I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
