Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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