I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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