She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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