My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
