Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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