i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
