You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
