i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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