i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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