I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
