glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
