I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
