Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
