i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
