A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
