I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't deserve a penis
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize