i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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