he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
