Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
