So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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