your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
