I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
