Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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