Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
