i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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