my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
