My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
