You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
