i just had sex bonerless
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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