when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
