Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
