Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
