i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
