Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
