Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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