The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
