mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
