you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
