My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There are leaves in my underwear?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
