i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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