he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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