i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You're a waste of cheezeits
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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