You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
