theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
