if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize