I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
