1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
