mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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