i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize