So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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