Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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