it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
