i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can you bring me the toilet please
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize