Apparently you make a good broom.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
