I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
