Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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