so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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