I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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