Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize