HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
