he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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