thus making me awesome and them whores
handjob tips. give me some.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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