well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
