I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
