Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
