matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
