Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You took a bar mat shot.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
