Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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