i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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