So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
