I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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