Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
